I had a very bad dream the other night about three horses. One horse was laying down between two horses. The horse on the right started eating it while the horse on the left watched, at first before it to stated eating it. The horse on the right saw me and was mad because I saw what it had done and started running after me to eat me too  Deciphering the dream The horse laying down are my elderly parents and the horse on the right is my sister Nadine Heckert who murder them by over medicating them and the horse on the left is my brother Curt Heckert who stood by and did nothing about it and they both hate me for knowing what I know about them

It's next to nothing in trying to get one of my children's story publish. I'll send one of them to a publisher and they'll disappear into the black hole. I'll never see the manuscript again and I'm tired of doing that so this children is going on my blog and let a publisher come to me.
                                                         
                               This is what older me would say to little me.          

Sometimes being a little child can be really scary. When your so small  in a world of adults who are so big and tall and you don't understand them at all. You wonder why they say and do mean things to you that hurt you and make you cry. You wonder what did you do to them to make them want to hurt you. Why do they hate you so much when you couldn't hurt them if you tried. Your just a little child, just a little soul.

A Heavenly voice tells you that they don't really hate you at all and that you're really safe in your Heavenly father arms dreaming of a world that isn't real and the adults really hate themselves and if they knew what you knew   that they are the dreamer of a dream in a world that isn't real they wouldn't be so angry or be so concern about the way  of the world and that  it has no meaning, it isn't real, it's all a dream and one day we'll all wake-up from a really bad dream and realize that we never left  our heavenly home.

A Heavenly voice tells you to forgive them for the mean things that they did to hurt you  and made you cry and to tell them that you love them no matter how much they try to hurt you. You'll love them to the end and maybe they wouldn't hate themselves if they knew that someone loved them too.

My biggest fear and worries as I get older is keeping my brother Curt Heckert and his wife Denise and my sister Nadine away from me as they have no morals and are unethical. Nadine is just a monster. Curt has his own concrete business that he took over from dad and yes he's in the phone book yellow and white pages. Nadine has her own painting business so if you see either one of them run far and run fast.

The 4th of July

Finally I got back on my blog after not being able to get on it. But now I have something that I want to say.

I've known for a long time that being on SSI and SSA or being on any Government Program would generate a group of  Whistle blowers in following me around and taking pictures of me when ever I was out and about. Suspecting that I'm really a healthy 20 year old impersonating a unhealthy 60 year old just to get all of the Government benefit's that I can  and hoping to catch me as I unzipped this costume that I am wearing so that they can get a big fat reward in doing so, if so then you have witness the same thing that I have of my son-in-law abusing my Grandsons and endangering me and my Grandson by reckless driving with us in it and putting my life and my grandsons life in danger then shame on you for not doing anything about it.

For almost twenty years I lived in Stonehedge Apartment in Layton, UT. An government subsidy apartment and for years I've been hearing stories from the Layton's locals how horrible and dreadful the tenants that live in these apartments are and it went as far as a bishop got up in sacrament one sunday condemning the single females that lives in these apartment, nothing was said about the husband, boyfriend, father, son or of any males that may or may not live there when more than likely they are the ones being responsible for the single mothers being there in the first place.

Well now let me tell you what the locals of Layton are doing besides driving through the property just to see whos doing what. They could easily be mistaken for drug dealers too, it's hard too tell. But every Christmas they are discarding their Christmas waste in the one of many dumpsters that are on the property and for about a week the tenants that live there are unable to use any of them for they are full to the rim to the point of overflowing and an ugly mess is left for the tenants to deal with. But than I guess it's Okay for the Layton locals to talk about how horrible and dreadful the Stonehedge tenants are.

For almost 20 years I have lived in one of KIER's Management apartment and at least once a year they have an inspection to make sure that everything is in working orders and to make sure that the apartments are being taken care of and that the tenants are keeping the apartment clean and I get that but nobody wants to be cleaning 24/7 either. The ladies that come to do the inspection are rude, disrespectful and arrogant which is why I am not around when they come around. More than likely they have a maid (and a chef and a gardener) that comes in and cleans their house so I guess that qualifies them to tell others how to clean their's.Which is why I am apartment or house hunting. I will never again live in LIER management apartment, they are too big for their own good.

Why is it that when a person goes through the system by getting an attorney that person pays for and goes up before a judge and the judge Okays for that person to recieve S.S.I. disability that should be the end of it but it's not that person still has to deal with other people stalking them hoping to find them doing something that they don't think that they should be doing becasue they are on S.S.I disability just so that they think that they are going to get some kind of reward for reporting them when it all comes down to when those that are doing the stalking are just greedy for money to pay for their life style and not caring who they hurt by doing so. Make me wonde,r would they sell their own mother or an infant? just how far would they go just because they don't like the idea of someone getting S.S.I disability and feel theat they are getting a  free ride when they want a free ride too. My book "Portraits Of An american Family And The Illusions Of It All" has  a lot to say about this.

It's a good thing that I still have my trusty old word processor to write on as a back up  now that I am without my PC word office to write on or I would really be lost Nothing in life stays the same it does and will change and a person have to change with it . Eventually I will get my PC up and running  again I just don't know when for now my word proccessor will do the job just as good.

My PC is down and not running I am not able to get to a PC to update on my blog. Still haven't heard from USU Press on my book and I am waiting on words on a children book also. Hopefully I will soon.

Turning the world off and finding a quiet place to meditate. The older that I get the more that I realize how insane our world is as we become a nation of greed with an unquenchable thirst for more but the more we have the more that we want still and never full and alwaqys on empty.

Finally I got into my blog after weeks of not getting into it, now I can start blogging and keep it up to date.

I think it's time for me to move on out of here. Living in KIER's managment apartment is getting to much for me, to hard to deal with and  when KIER  thinks that it's a joke when I try to explain to them that just because two men in white shirt and a tie  shows up at my door it doesn't always mean that they are from the LDS Church.And telling them to leave me alone doesn't cut it so I am going to go about it like I would if I was in a bad marriage and I told my ex to go away and he doesn't. I am going to have to move to another town and do it in such a way that the the men in white shirt and tie can't find me.

My second children's book "The Tale Of The Three Little Angles."
is turning into a little bit of a challeng for me. I'm hoping that I don't get to discourage with it and give it up. I'm going to take my time with  it. I will be writing and rewriting it over and over again. I think I might need a little heavenly help with this one. While waiting on words about my first book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of  It all." My "Pumpkin Lady A Very Scary Halloween Story." is ready to go but I am not going to send it to a publisher just yet tell I get word on my first book. I want to know for sure if my writing is good enough for a publisher.

While waiting for Utah State University Press to get back with me on my first book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It all." I wrote a children's story titled "The Pumpkin Lady A Very Scary Halloween Story." under the pseudonym Trottie Blue and I'll be working on my second children's story "The Tale Of The Three Little Angels."

I was reading the local newspaper when I came across an article about a couple who had a nosey neighbor who was window peeking into her  neighbor bedroom window, pressing her nose against the glass. The couple came up with the perfect solution as to how to stop the window peeking neighbor from peeking into their bedroom window, they put a large mirror in the window. So the next time the nosey neighbor peered into their window she saw her own face reflecting back, dashing into her own house she never looked again. I think it's a great story a great reminder, we don't like it when someone show us our own reflection of ones self.

When an old life, an old story had been written "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." and is now in the past a new life, a new story has arrives.  "The Pumpkin Lady A Very Scary Halloween Story." the future has a meaning. When old friends pass away, new friends appear.  I's just like an old day has pass, a new day arrives. The most important thing to remember is to make it a meaningful day and a meaningful life.

 Summer time is about getting out and being with family going to Grandchildrens birthday parties and waiting for a publisher to get back with me on my book." Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." so that I can send off my second book "The Pumpkin Lady A Very scary Halloween Story." And waiting and waiting.

As soon as I find out what the verdict is on my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." I'll be working on my children's book "The Pumpkin Lady A Halloween Story."

Picture is of my boys John & Justin at Half  Moon Bay, Calif  in the early 1980.

Now that summer is here and my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."is finish and  is in the hands of a publisher and editor I am out the door with my little camera, while waiting to see if my book will be accepted for publication.In the meantime I am on Facebook or on my blog or twitter. Hoping that good news will come soon and a big Thank You for everyone support. 

Strangs, Indeed, that you should not have supected that your universe and its contents were only dreams, vision, fiction strange because they are so frankly and hysterically insane like all dreams.

Excerpt from Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain