"Be who you are and say what you feel becasue those who mind don't care and those who matter don't mind."~Dr. Seuss

Shopping around for an editors and trying to figure  out as to how I am going  to pay for one without stirring up trouble. I would like to get my book publish with as much peace as possible.

I haven't decided if I should hire an editor to go over my book or if I should take a chance and do it myself before turning it in to a publisher.

A tribute to my mother who ever she was: My motehr's hands sofe, warm, and wise sometimes strong, sometimes weak Never failing can't give up always picks herself back up. My mother's hands caring, caressing, scolding, pointing, showing me the way Always praying, never failing to pray. My mother's hands baking, mending, helping. Many years of working many  years of hardship many more hardship to come. My mother's hands always moving never still each line so fine what stories they could tell. My mother's hands wipes away each tears helps me through the years. My hands are now like my mother's hands Please Heavenly Father show me the way give me the courage to carry out my day.

Peace is not just a word it's a place in our heart that's where it must start. In peace there are no conflicts, no wars, no guilt, or sadness only joy and gladness. For peace begins with me. Then give it away in hope that one day it will be here to stay for the whole human race can live in its grace.

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

Nobody was here when I was going through this~
Nobody was here when I was writing this~
But I wonder how many will be here when my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All." actually gets publish?

...I walked into a classroom that had metal chairs and I saw a single chair that was off to the side of the room. Wanting to be left alone and without thinking I sat on it only to have it fold up with me in it and clasping onto the floor with me still in it, my arms and legs sticking out from both sides and all I could think was "Do you think anybody would notice?"

From~Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All.

If anything I think that I was very lucky that I got what little that I got  from Mom and Dad's estate and that I didn't end up dead in a shallow grave. But I still love my brother and sister with all my heart and wish that things could have been different we could have been friends, brother and sisters, which will never be.

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

Years ago I had a dream that had always had me stump as to the meaning of it. It takes place in the old west and the dream started at the end of an Indian attack on a wagon. A young women was standing by an overturned wagon with an infant in her arm when an lone Indian came charging toward her on a horse and snatch the infant from out of her arm by it's head, it was as if I was seeing it and feeling it from the eyes of the women, the infant and the Indian all at the same time. It was so upsetting, it was so real that  I woke up shaking.

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All."

I am promoting what I love and what I love is the teaching of ACIM. Instead of bashing what I hate I want to write about what I know, I want my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." to be a teching tool. I am scouting  around for an editor to help me with the second draft. I love to write and I want my book to be at it best before I start on the second draft before sending it in to a publisher.

Me in my younger days when I really didn't understand anything and like ACIM manual tells us we really don't understand anything I really didn't and I still don't and I guess that's a good thing. so maybe  I'm ahead of the game and not behind and I shouldn't fel guilty about that and I don't any more.

All of my adult life of being told what to do, how to do it, when to do it,  how to feel and all the lies that I was told just to keep me in fear I walked a way from the LDS Church and never looked back as I realize that I didn't need it, want it, or missed it and I am much happier without it and I am sure that when this book is publish that they will excommunicate me just to keep the fear going but what they don't understand is that I excommicated them first. But I still wanted to find the truth, not the truth that someone was telling me to get control or to put fear into me, but the real truth. I've had so msny crappie people in my life that  had hurt me, discourge me, let me down and stomped on me that I wanted to know why and to have peace and forgiveness in my heart.

From~ "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

I do have another way of looking at my life I do have another choice. I am a student of ACIM I've been studying for a couple of years now.  Writing my book is not just for myself or to  linger on the past it's to let go of the past.I've let go of the hurt and the pain a long time ago the only pain that I have now is the pain that those people that I love don't have the love of knowing of who they really are. I want my book to be a teaching tool for others. As I teach I learn.

It's really difficult to write a book about my family, The Heckert  Family when they didn't know how to love when all your really wanted from them was love.

Everything else will become useless and fade away from our grasp as we realize that it doesn't really exist at all and it's all in a dream and we are the dreaming it. and we are the dreamers of this world and our real self is still with god safe from harm.


From~ Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It all.

A once and wonderful family tree farm that was once prospered with trees and land that stretch as far as the eyes could see. Where rolls and rolls of apple trees that once gave relief from the summer heat. And the apples were turned into pies and jams and other baking sweets. And the soil was once cared for and loved until greed undid it as the grand sons robbed all the apples from the trees and left them bare and naked . And the siblings pulled up all the trees by their  roots and the land was carted off by greed and sold, not even a tree stump was left to verify where the once proud apple farm had been as if it never was.

From "Portraits Of an American Family And The Illusions Of It all."

Shortly after my oldest son John lost his life in a car accident I wrote a letter to him and hide it in my closet and some months later when I went to go look for it it was gone. I never did find it.

MY kids Justin, Jackie, Johanna, and Jordan. I am going to be spending more times on my book "Portraits Of An Amrican Family And The Illusions Of It All. I am almost done with the first draft.   The second draft will be the hardest, getting all of the bugs out and ready to send to a publisher.  and  will more than likely take the longest to finish.

My only son, Justin in 2008 after the car accident. You can't see the scars but they are there. Some healing take a life time. This picture was taken at my parents house. A house that became a battleground of lies, secerts and greed.

I've had to many doctors appointments this week and done to much ruuning around. I need to get back on working on my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." So that I can finish it and start working on the second and hopfully finale draft before sending it in to a publisher.

My girls: Johanna, Jordan, and Jackie in 2008 at one of my grand kids birthday party.

I am more than half way into my book, I have 5,841 words. I have a couple of thousand words to go and than I'll be editing on the second draft and getting it formatted to be presented for a publisher. Wish me luck.