For almost twenty years I lived in Stonehedge Apartment in Layton, UT. An government subsidy apartment and for years I've been hearing stories from the Layton's locals how horrible and dreadful the tenants that live in these apartments are and it went as far as a bishop got up in sacrament one sunday condemning the single females that lives in these apartment, nothing was said about the husband, boyfriend, father, son or of any males that may or may not live there when more than likely they are the ones being responsible for the single mothers being there in the first place.

Well now let me tell you what the locals of Layton are doing besides driving through the property just to see whos doing what. They could easily be mistaken for drug dealers too, it's hard too tell. But every Christmas they are discarding their Christmas waste in the one of many dumpsters that are on the property and for about a week the tenants that live there are unable to use any of them for they are full to the rim to the point of overflowing and an ugly mess is left for the tenants to deal with. But than I guess it's Okay for the Layton locals to talk about how horrible and dreadful the Stonehedge tenants are.

For almost 20 years I have lived in one of KIER's Management apartment and at least once a year they have an inspection to make sure that everything is in working orders and to make sure that the apartments are being taken care of and that the tenants are keeping the apartment clean and I get that but nobody wants to be cleaning 24/7 either. The ladies that come to do the inspection are rude, disrespectful and arrogant which is why I am not around when they come around. More than likely they have a maid (and a chef and a gardener) that comes in and cleans their house so I guess that qualifies them to tell others how to clean their's.Which is why I am apartment or house hunting. I will never again live in LIER management apartment, they are too big for their own good.

Why is it that when a person goes through the system by getting an attorney that person pays for and goes up before a judge and the judge Okays for that person to recieve S.S.I. disability that should be the end of it but it's not that person still has to deal with other people stalking them hoping to find them doing something that they don't think that they should be doing becasue they are on S.S.I disability just so that they think that they are going to get some kind of reward for reporting them when it all comes down to when those that are doing the stalking are just greedy for money to pay for their life style and not caring who they hurt by doing so. Make me wonde,r would they sell their own mother or an infant? just how far would they go just because they don't like the idea of someone getting S.S.I disability and feel theat they are getting a  free ride when they want a free ride too. My book "Portraits Of An american Family And The Illusions Of It All" has  a lot to say about this.

It's a good thing that I still have my trusty old word processor to write on as a back up  now that I am without my PC word office to write on or I would really be lost Nothing in life stays the same it does and will change and a person have to change with it . Eventually I will get my PC up and running  again I just don't know when for now my word proccessor will do the job just as good.

My PC is down and not running I am not able to get to a PC to update on my blog. Still haven't heard from USU Press on my book and I am waiting on words on a children book also. Hopefully I will soon.

Turning the world off and finding a quiet place to meditate. The older that I get the more that I realize how insane our world is as we become a nation of greed with an unquenchable thirst for more but the more we have the more that we want still and never full and alwaqys on empty.

Finally I got into my blog after weeks of not getting into it, now I can start blogging and keep it up to date.

I think it's time for me to move on out of here. Living in KIER's managment apartment is getting to much for me, to hard to deal with and  when KIER  thinks that it's a joke when I try to explain to them that just because two men in white shirt and a tie  shows up at my door it doesn't always mean that they are from the LDS Church.And telling them to leave me alone doesn't cut it so I am going to go about it like I would if I was in a bad marriage and I told my ex to go away and he doesn't. I am going to have to move to another town and do it in such a way that the the men in white shirt and tie can't find me.

My second children's book "The Tale Of The Three Little Angles."
is turning into a little bit of a challeng for me. I'm hoping that I don't get to discourage with it and give it up. I'm going to take my time with  it. I will be writing and rewriting it over and over again. I think I might need a little heavenly help with this one. While waiting on words about my first book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of  It all." My "Pumpkin Lady A Very Scary Halloween Story." is ready to go but I am not going to send it to a publisher just yet tell I get word on my first book. I want to know for sure if my writing is good enough for a publisher.

While waiting for Utah State University Press to get back with me on my first book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It all." I wrote a children's story titled "The Pumpkin Lady A Very Scary Halloween Story." under the pseudonym Trottie Blue and I'll be working on my second children's story "The Tale Of The Three Little Angels."

I was reading the local newspaper when I came across an article about a couple who had a nosey neighbor who was window peeking into her  neighbor bedroom window, pressing her nose against the glass. The couple came up with the perfect solution as to how to stop the window peeking neighbor from peeking into their bedroom window, they put a large mirror in the window. So the next time the nosey neighbor peered into their window she saw her own face reflecting back, dashing into her own house she never looked again. I think it's a great story a great reminder, we don't like it when someone show us our own reflection of ones self.

When an old life, an old story had been written "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." and is now in the past a new life, a new story has arrives.  "The Pumpkin Lady A Very Scary Halloween Story." the future has a meaning. When old friends pass away, new friends appear.  I's just like an old day has pass, a new day arrives. The most important thing to remember is to make it a meaningful day and a meaningful life.

 Summer time is about getting out and being with family going to Grandchildrens birthday parties and waiting for a publisher to get back with me on my book." Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." so that I can send off my second book "The Pumpkin Lady A Very scary Halloween Story." And waiting and waiting.

As soon as I find out what the verdict is on my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." I'll be working on my children's book "The Pumpkin Lady A Halloween Story."

Picture is of my boys John & Justin at Half  Moon Bay, Calif  in the early 1980.

Now that summer is here and my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."is finish and  is in the hands of a publisher and editor I am out the door with my little camera, while waiting to see if my book will be accepted for publication.In the meantime I am on Facebook or on my blog or twitter. Hoping that good news will come soon and a big Thank You for everyone support. 

Strangs, Indeed, that you should not have supected that your universe and its contents were only dreams, vision, fiction strange because they are so frankly and hysterically insane like all dreams.

Excerpt from Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain

I am happy to say that I am back at the keyboard  andI got over the bump in the road and I have a new plan. My book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." is still a work in progress. and that I haven't given up on getting it publish. I' m happy when I am writing and sad when I am not.

It sadden me to say that my book"Portraits Of An American Family and The Illusions Of It All." Is on hold for now tell I get enough funds together to pay the editor that has been assign to work on it. I feel that the book has an important message to tell and should be publish. I hope that it succeeds.

Once we strip away all of our wants and needs and worldly possessions we find something more valuable and more important than all of our wants and needs and worldly possessions we find who we really are.

From~"Portraits Of An Amrican Family And The Illusions Of It All."

They are like colorful wonderful balloons, balloons that I had to let go of and for them to go were the wind my take them and hope that it will take them to a happy place. From" Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It all."

A murderous alcoholic father, a narcissist sociapath sister, a mysterious fire, a ghost and a tangle of secrets and lies all in one family in "Portraits Of An American Family and The Illusions Of It All."

I can say that "I didn't start the fire." Dad did and that is when all the trouble started in my autobio"Portraits Of an American Family And The Illusions Of It all. www.charleneheckert.blogspot.com

It's a well known fact that in the animal kingdoms that if the mother giver birth to an imperfect offspring that one of the parent will destory it, I was that imperfect offspring.


From "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."


Picture is of my mother when she lived in Kaysvill, Ut. Behind her is the wooden shack that she lived in.

I would be in the middle of some kind of natural disaster like an earthquake or a valcano eruption and I would be trying to save all of my kids from death but I couldn't....

I am on facebook also.

From "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All." wwww.charleneheckert.blogspot.com

We were being held against our will down in the basement and there were no way out. The four walls were made of cement and the floor of dirt, there were no stairs to climb on and it had neither doors nor windows to escape from, as I waited for someone from a higher power to release us...

From "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

She showed up at my door wearing the ugliest and most hideous old orange minus buttons coat that she could find, looking like an homeless person asking if she could move in to my garage. Something told me not to let her into my life...

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

Do not be mislead by what you see around you or be influenced by what you see. You live in a world  which is a playground of Illusions, full of false paths, false values and false ideals, But you are not part of this world.~Sai Baba

From "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

It was my custom before retiring for bed to close my bedroom door. One nigh something woke me up as I open my eyes I raised my head and looked toward the bedroom door it was open and a naked man was standing in the doorway behind him it looked as if the fire from hell had open the door.

Just when I think I have nothing left to say in my book "Portraits Of An american Family And The Illusions Of It All." I find that I have something more to say. I just might hit the 20,000 word mark after all. I fell that I am being guided by a higher power to write what I am writing. I hope that the higher power is guiding me to a publisher.

What we remember from childhood we remember forever-permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eterally seen.~Cynthia Oeick  

From~Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All.

As soon as I was able to walk I was sent outdoors and I would wander around the neighborhood as young as two. I don't know if I felt safer outside or if my mom didn't want to be bother with me or maybe a little of both, but most of my very young childhood memory as a toddler was that of me wandering around outside observing the beauth of nature and enjoying every moment of it. The thought of going home only entered my mind was when my stomach told me that it was time to eat. It was amazing,  looking back on it that I wasn't kidnapped or heaven forbid, if I fell into a hole. I don't think my mother would of missed me or cared just as long as I left her a lone with her books or watching TV. As sad and strange as it was I think those times of me wandering  alone were my happiest moments.

From~ " Portraits Of An American Family and The Illusions Of It All."

Besides the book that I am working on "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." I also have two children's book titled "It's pig Time." and "The Pumpkin Lady A Halloween Story." that I also would like to get publish.

One of my favorite quote  from ACIM.  I have written over 18,000 words in my book "Portraits Of An american Family And The Illusions Of It All." Trying to get some funds together to pay for an editor to go over the manuscript before taking it to a publisher. I think it will do well.

I love Mark Twain one of the best  American writer. I love his quotes and his writing  they stand the test of time.

I can answer the question as to why I was born. I was born to write this book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All.

I don't think that writting my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It." Is no different than Mark Twin Accout of American life during the late 1800 century. My book is just an account of Amercian life during the 21 century and hopfully it will be acceptable as an understand and a helpful learning tool for those who will read it. Over 17,000 words and still counting and playing the waiting game.

People come into your life when they are suppose to and they leave when they are suppose to, but when you find yourself happier when they leave then they shouldn't have been in your life in the first place.

Getting an traditional old lady hair cut can be an expensive up keep so I'll just stay with my untraditional long hair in a bun or a braid. I've always been the beater of my own drums so why change now. A true writter at heart. I have almost 16,000 words in my book  ~ "Portraits Of An American Family and The Illusions Of It All."

If some people are put here to build bombs to start wars just as their are some people who are put here to build churches to create religions why can't their be some people put here as a reminder that it is not real? The bomb makers and the church makers are no different they both want everybody to believe what they believe in when neither one of them  are right.

From~Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All.

I've written over 15,000 words on my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." which now qualifys it as a short novel. And now for the hard part just waiting for a respond by mail and off it will go to an editor by E-mail.

If I was ever Presient of the United State I would make a National Hug Day. I don't think we give our kids or each other enough hugs.

I have 14,500 words written for my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All." Aiming for 15,000 words. contacted two editors to see who had the best payment plan, now it's just the waiting game.

An angel whisper in my ear today that the teaching in ACIM is where I want to be  and what I want to  believe.

Still working on my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." Want to make it perfect for publishing. I have over 12,000  words I got a long way to go before it is finish.

I've been trying to contact some family members on my dad side to get more info to add to my book  that I am working on "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All." with out any luck. They are unwilling to talk to me. My dad must have ticked off a lot of his family members.

When we measure one's self by one's possessions and not by one's heart our possessions becomes more important than one's heart.

From~Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All.

I might have been a single mom for many years but I never taught any of my kids to lie, steal, or take advantage of another person.

We canot change our past. We cannot change how certain people act. The only thing that we can change is our attitude toward them.

My office where my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." Is  being written at.

"Be who you are and say what you feel becasue those who mind don't care and those who matter don't mind."~Dr. Seuss

Shopping around for an editors and trying to figure  out as to how I am going  to pay for one without stirring up trouble. I would like to get my book publish with as much peace as possible.

I haven't decided if I should hire an editor to go over my book or if I should take a chance and do it myself before turning it in to a publisher.

A tribute to my mother who ever she was: My motehr's hands sofe, warm, and wise sometimes strong, sometimes weak Never failing can't give up always picks herself back up. My mother's hands caring, caressing, scolding, pointing, showing me the way Always praying, never failing to pray. My mother's hands baking, mending, helping. Many years of working many  years of hardship many more hardship to come. My mother's hands always moving never still each line so fine what stories they could tell. My mother's hands wipes away each tears helps me through the years. My hands are now like my mother's hands Please Heavenly Father show me the way give me the courage to carry out my day.

Peace is not just a word it's a place in our heart that's where it must start. In peace there are no conflicts, no wars, no guilt, or sadness only joy and gladness. For peace begins with me. Then give it away in hope that one day it will be here to stay for the whole human race can live in its grace.

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

Nobody was here when I was going through this~
Nobody was here when I was writing this~
But I wonder how many will be here when my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All." actually gets publish?

...I walked into a classroom that had metal chairs and I saw a single chair that was off to the side of the room. Wanting to be left alone and without thinking I sat on it only to have it fold up with me in it and clasping onto the floor with me still in it, my arms and legs sticking out from both sides and all I could think was "Do you think anybody would notice?"

From~Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All.

If anything I think that I was very lucky that I got what little that I got  from Mom and Dad's estate and that I didn't end up dead in a shallow grave. But I still love my brother and sister with all my heart and wish that things could have been different we could have been friends, brother and sisters, which will never be.

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

Years ago I had a dream that had always had me stump as to the meaning of it. It takes place in the old west and the dream started at the end of an Indian attack on a wagon. A young women was standing by an overturned wagon with an infant in her arm when an lone Indian came charging toward her on a horse and snatch the infant from out of her arm by it's head, it was as if I was seeing it and feeling it from the eyes of the women, the infant and the Indian all at the same time. It was so upsetting, it was so real that  I woke up shaking.

From~"Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All."

I am promoting what I love and what I love is the teaching of ACIM. Instead of bashing what I hate I want to write about what I know, I want my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." to be a teching tool. I am scouting  around for an editor to help me with the second draft. I love to write and I want my book to be at it best before I start on the second draft before sending it in to a publisher.

Me in my younger days when I really didn't understand anything and like ACIM manual tells us we really don't understand anything I really didn't and I still don't and I guess that's a good thing. so maybe  I'm ahead of the game and not behind and I shouldn't fel guilty about that and I don't any more.

All of my adult life of being told what to do, how to do it, when to do it,  how to feel and all the lies that I was told just to keep me in fear I walked a way from the LDS Church and never looked back as I realize that I didn't need it, want it, or missed it and I am much happier without it and I am sure that when this book is publish that they will excommunicate me just to keep the fear going but what they don't understand is that I excommicated them first. But I still wanted to find the truth, not the truth that someone was telling me to get control or to put fear into me, but the real truth. I've had so msny crappie people in my life that  had hurt me, discourge me, let me down and stomped on me that I wanted to know why and to have peace and forgiveness in my heart.

From~ "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

I do have another way of looking at my life I do have another choice. I am a student of ACIM I've been studying for a couple of years now.  Writing my book is not just for myself or to  linger on the past it's to let go of the past.I've let go of the hurt and the pain a long time ago the only pain that I have now is the pain that those people that I love don't have the love of knowing of who they really are. I want my book to be a teaching tool for others. As I teach I learn.

It's really difficult to write a book about my family, The Heckert  Family when they didn't know how to love when all your really wanted from them was love.

Everything else will become useless and fade away from our grasp as we realize that it doesn't really exist at all and it's all in a dream and we are the dreaming it. and we are the dreamers of this world and our real self is still with god safe from harm.


From~ Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It all.

A once and wonderful family tree farm that was once prospered with trees and land that stretch as far as the eyes could see. Where rolls and rolls of apple trees that once gave relief from the summer heat. And the apples were turned into pies and jams and other baking sweets. And the soil was once cared for and loved until greed undid it as the grand sons robbed all the apples from the trees and left them bare and naked . And the siblings pulled up all the trees by their  roots and the land was carted off by greed and sold, not even a tree stump was left to verify where the once proud apple farm had been as if it never was.

From "Portraits Of an American Family And The Illusions Of It all."

Shortly after my oldest son John lost his life in a car accident I wrote a letter to him and hide it in my closet and some months later when I went to go look for it it was gone. I never did find it.

MY kids Justin, Jackie, Johanna, and Jordan. I am going to be spending more times on my book "Portraits Of An Amrican Family And The Illusions Of It All. I am almost done with the first draft.   The second draft will be the hardest, getting all of the bugs out and ready to send to a publisher.  and  will more than likely take the longest to finish.

My only son, Justin in 2008 after the car accident. You can't see the scars but they are there. Some healing take a life time. This picture was taken at my parents house. A house that became a battleground of lies, secerts and greed.

I've had to many doctors appointments this week and done to much ruuning around. I need to get back on working on my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." So that I can finish it and start working on the second and hopfully finale draft before sending it in to a publisher.

My girls: Johanna, Jordan, and Jackie in 2008 at one of my grand kids birthday party.

I am more than half way into my book, I have 5,841 words. I have a couple of thousand words to go and than I'll be editing on the second draft and getting it formatted to be presented for a publisher. Wish me luck.

...underneath the burnt kitchen floor boarding, were the scattered missing personal belongings that were reportedly taken by our "GHOST."...



From "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All."

What was lost/forgotten was found/remembered...


From ACIM

I reconize the shoes that were sticking out from under the sheet, it was John....I had a dream before his death that he was climbing a mountain and at the top of the mountain he met himslf  and he shook hands with himself as if an agreement was completed...




From~ Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All.

I am a student of ACIM and last night I had a dream that a child was singing  to me the words "You should see how you look now." their was more to the song but I don't remember how it went.

I know to some this might seem strange but I am no longer going to call Sunday, Sunday I am going to call it and mark it as "Today."

The saddest day of my life: While other parents were picking out which college to send their kid to I was picking out  which coffin to bury my oldest in. John was a very smart kid, got good grades and he was a very good kid. He was kind to everyone.


       John C. Vasquez Jr. Sept 4 1977-May 6 1995

My profile picture to be use on my publish work.

Did a couple of pages on military life and being a military wife. Question: so how do you mix Mormon life with a military life? Answer: You don't.

I just got done typing a page on my life in a Mormon Temple  17 years  marriage and what I have to say they are not going to like and I am sure that I am going to make some people very angry if my book is publish.

I just realize that I don't have any childhood pictures of me to go with my story but that is part of the mystery and what will back up my story. I had a tough time  focusing on my writing today. It was just a bump in the road, got through it and moving onward.

The first draft of my book "Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusions Of It All." is coming along very nicely, a lot better then it has on all of the other times that I was writing it only to toss it away.

I'm hoping to get my book" Portraits Of An American Family And The Illusion Of It All" publish, I have my eye on one publisher.

Portraits of an American Family and the illusions of it all

After writing and rewriting my life story I think I got the right voice for it. It's about my childhood with an alcoholic father an narcissist sociapath sister a little mystery and a bad marriage  after reading the ACIM  manual and joining a group that I love I found the voice  of forgiving.